Dance can be so scary sometimes. While it lets you express yourself, it also exposes you. While it shines the light within, it also shows the darkness that's beneath. While it frees you to dream, it also cages you and loops you in. All of these wrapped up in one body trying to journey through finding itself. Welcome to post number 15.
I remember my very first solo dance performance in high school. I was competing among other dancers and I had no idea what to expect. I had been taught a contemporary routine to "A Heart that Forgives" by Kevin Levar, and until today I remember how the judges said they teared up watching my performance. I ended up getting first place and it was such a wonderful feeling. I was so proud of myself. I had a passion for dance and not only was it visible, but it was also paying off. Becoming a professional dancer was looking like an achievable plan.
Similarly, I remember performing at an end of semester show with a group of dancers I met at school. We had been practicing this routine for almost a month and apart from the usual nerves, I was mostly confident.The performance went the opposite of what I expected, in that I missed some counts pretty obviously. The shame and embarrassment that followed thereafter haunts me to this day. I had worked so hard and pushed myself only to mess up. It was devastating and imposter syndrome found its way in, even before I left the stage. I still had a passion for dance, but the pursuit of it professionally and successfully went back to feeling like a dream.
It's scary how these dance experiences can affect you so deeply in both aspects. That be it as a result of a moving performance or mistakes, tears are shed and emotions are expressed. I heard someone say 'to be vulnerable is to love' and I couldn't agree more. We show our most authentic and hidden selves to the things we love most... in the places we feel safest. As dance holds this space for us, let's embrace the highs and lows as we journey through this life of dance. So dancer friends, here's to the vulnerability of dance and here's to the love of dance!
Keep creating & sharing!
Your dancer friend
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