I recently attended a friend's graduation, and as I was in the middle of a conversation with her Dad, the question of whether he plays golf came up. His response was, "I don't just play golf, I play it well," and I was intrigued. There was no hesitation in his answer, no false humility, no pretence, just the plain and simple truth. Like we spoke about in our previous post, our best is good enough,... but what happens when you don't feel worthy or deserving of being in a position to be able to give your best, let alone acknowledge your proficiency? Imposter syndrome is the enemy! Welcome to post number 20 dancer friends...it's going to be another vulnerable one.
I got the opportunity to be interviewed a while back, and it was going so well, until it wasn't. One of the questions I was asked was what kind of a dancer I am, which I answered with a list of the different styles I do. A couple of days after the interview, I started to rethink and question my answer. Did I overstretch the truth? Should I have toned it down? Did I lie? Did I pretend to be someone that I am not?...This went on for a while, to the point where I made a decision to stick to general answers the next time I came across this question. With this, I would ensure I covered myself in case someone saw the "real" me and said," No, you aren't that kind of a dancer," and yet again imposter syndrome would take the win.
The crazy thing about imposter syndrome is that it makes everyone and everything else's opinion of you matter more than your own, to the point where you start to believe it. If I sit down and pick apart my answer, I'll find out that I didn't lie. That I am indeed the kind of dancer that I described, but because that little voice in the back of my head is not used to being challenged, it causes unnecessary drama...like having me wonder if I can even call myself a dancer. Can you imagine the lengths it gets to?
Imposter syndrome is one of the struggles we, as creatives, have to challenge on a regular basis, because we are constantly putting ourselves out there. There's always going to be that voice questioning our value and our deservingness as artists, regardless of our years of experience in the industry. The trick is to find the truth, the actual truth, in those low moments, while holding space for yourself to go through this very natural, inevitable feeling. How do you know you are deserving? Amie McNee puts it best, "If you want to create - you are meant to create. That desire? That excitement? It's the only permission you need. Create!"
Keep creating & sharing!
Your dancer friend
Comments