The season I'm in right now as a dancer is strange. It feels like I'm on the outside looking in, watching others get opportunities I thought I would also get. It gets even stranger because these people are my friends, and while I'm truly happy for them, I can't help but think that I was meant to be there too. I had envisioned a High School Musical "we are all in this together" moment for all of us, but somehow, it feels like I got left behind. What happens when your dance journey takes a different route from what you imagined?
My struggle with the transitions of my dance journey is something I have shared here before. I have found myself continuously experiencing an internal conflict between my heart and my head. While my heart holds all the dreams of the younger version of me, who saw the vision one way, my head shows me all the different ways I'm still walking in my purpose, although packaged differently than I imagined. When these conflicting thoughts come up, I tend to naturally lean towards shaming myself for not looking at the bright side, for not being grateful for past opportunities, and for entertaining these seemingly unappreciative thoughts. Although this approach works momentarily, it doesn't serve me long- term. Before I know it, I am back to questioning why my path is different from what I hoped for and fighting feelings of ungratefulness.
Lately, I've been sensing a longing in my spirit to approach this differently. I'm beginning to wonder what it would be like to let myself grieve the dance journey I once envisioned for myself. I'm wondering what it would be like to honor that younger version of me that had those hopes and dreams, instead of ignoring and suppressing her. What if I allowed myself to grieve what I hoped my journey would be? What if I could be grateful for what was, and at the same time open up myself to what else it could be? Maybe then, I could honestly and successfully make peace with the fact that my dance journey has taken a different path. Maybe then, I would embrace the uniqueness of my journey. Maybe then, I would no longer have the need to make sense of it all. There's only one way to find out...
Keep creating & sharing !
~your dancer friend
I hope you get to make peace with where you are and hopefully find the closure your younger self desires...